


Folie a Deux: Pain

by thePetetoherPatrick



Series: Dreams and Nightmares [2]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:30:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10011149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thePetetoherPatrick/pseuds/thePetetoherPatrick
Summary: "Pain, without lovePain, I can't get enoughPain, I like it rough'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all."from Pain by Three Days Grace





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how many of you read Folie a Deux but it was based on a prompt mixed with a dream I'd had. I spent a lot of time at my grandma's last month and some of that time was spent listening to music and quietly letting my mind wander. My mind decided to wander back to Folie a Deux and the dream that cause it. Pain by Three Days Grace came on in my shuffle list and I decided to write the next part of the dream out. I didn't intend on posting it though. I struggled posting the last one and I struggled posting this one but I couldn't get it out of my head so I'm hoping that finally posting it will help with that. 
> 
> I hope it's not too terrible. 
> 
> xoxo

_ Elle _

 

I sit at my desk, staring at the blank page in front of me. My headphones in and the volume all the way up. “Numb” by Linkin Park, how fitting, that’s all I feel anymore so it’s a fitting enough song. My phone goes off but I ignore it. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I pick up my pencil and start to flesh out a design. I don’t have a plan but it becomes a face. Pete’s face, to be exact. I scrunch up my face but keep drawing anyway. My phone goes off again and I look at it. 

 

**Pete <3 **

**2 new messages - 8:17pm**

 

I sigh and unlock my phone to see what he wants. 

 

_ P: Hey :) - 8:14pm _

_ P: You ignoring me? :/ - 8:17pm _

 

I pick up the phone and hesitate before answering him. He texts me all the time now. I thought he’d forgot about me when he left but he didn’t. He surprised me.

 

_ No. Just distracted - 8:20pm _

_ Sorry - 8:20pm _

 

_ P: You ok? What’s going on? - 8:21pm _

 

_ Same as always… - 8:23pm _

 

I sigh, I can’t lie to him. I never can, not even over text. It’s not like ha can help though. He’s at home in LA. I look at the drawing again. I go back to working on it and get lost in it for a second. I look at my phone after a few minutes. 

 

**Pete <3**

**3 new messages - 8:30pm**

 

I unlock it and flip over to my messaging system. 

 

_ P: You home? - 8:24pm _

_ P: Hello? - 8:26pm _

_ P: Elle??? - 8:30pm _

 

_ Yeah...why? - 8:34pm _

 

_ P: Go to the door :) - 8:34pm _

 

I arch an eyebrow and go down to the front door. I open it to see Pete’s face smiling back at me. 

 

“Pete?” I ask as he rushes forward to hug me tight. I let myself melt into his arms. “What are you doing here?” 

 

“I came to see you, I had some time off and this is what I wanted to do with it.” he smiled at me. I knew I should be incredibly happy to see him but I still just feel numb. I sigh and snuggle my face into his neck. He seems to understand and hugs me tight. “Hold on.” he whispers and I tighten my hold on his neck. He moves his hands to my hips and I catch onto what he’s doing. He picks me up and carries me upstairs. 

 

He sets on my little couch and sits down beside me, pulling me into him. After he found me he spent a week holding me like this, talking to me, listening to what I had to say. He made me eat, sleep, and take care of myself. When he had to leave he video called me every day, and texted me every chance he got. Pete put himself in my life and fought for me when I couldn’t. I should feel something seeing him but I don’t and it’s frustrating. It makes my skin crawl and every nerve feel like it’s pulled tight and fraying. 

 

“Hey.” his voice breaks the silence as his hands come up to wipe at my face, it’s then that I realize I’d started crying at some point. “It’s ok, I know it sucks. Talk to me.” 

 

I look up at him. “I just want to feel something other than this numb empty feeling.” I say, snuggling into him. “Even seeing you, I know I should be happy. I should feel something, but I don’t and I hate it. It’s beyond frustrating.”

 

“It’s ok, it’ll pass, you just have to break out of it a bit.” Pete sighs, the rise and fall of his chest is even and comforting. I spread my palm out over his chest, feeling his heartbeat. He rests his hand over mine. 

 

~~~~~

 

I wake up in the morning by myself on the couch. For a minute I’m convinced it was all a dream. I look around and see Pete come up the stairs carrying a coffee tray and a small bag. There’s a backpack over his shoulder. Once he sees me awake he smiles. 

 

“Morning, I brought breakfast and coffee.” he sets the coffee tray and little bag on my tiny coffee table. “I thought it would be easier to stay here if I’m going to fall asleep here anyway. If that’s ok?” he asks and I nod but he already knew I’d say that. He sets his backpack at the end of the couch on the floor and sits beside me. Pete hands me one of the coffees and opens the little bag to pull out two cinnamon buns. He gives me one and I pick it apart to manageable bite-sized pieces. I sit cross legged while I eat my breakfast. “Thank you, Pete.” I say quietly and lean into him.

 

“No problem.” he leans into me in return. 

 

~~~~~

 

My mind throws me awake suddenly, I can feel the tears streaming down my face. Then I feel hands on my face. Someone else is here. It takes me a second to realize it’s Pete. He’d been sleeping on the couch. He’s in nothing but his boxers and he’s talking to me. His hands have moved to my shoulders, he grips the sides tightly. It hurts. It hurts and it makes me mad. 

 

My eyes widen as his voice gets louder. “Elle! Are you ok?” I nod. He sighs having finally got my attention. “You screamed, I was worried, was it a dream?” 

 

“I……...I d-don’t know. I just w-woke up. I don’t r-remember.” I look at his hands. “Pete….that hurts.” 

 

He looks worried again. “Sorry.” he lets go. 

 

“No!” I grab onto his hands and he looks at me. “It hurt and at first it made me mad...but then I realized I was feeling something for first time in weeks.” I start crying again. I don’t know why, it just happens. He pulls me tight against him and I cling to him. “I just want to be able to feel something. Pete, please.” I don’t know what I’m asking for. I don’t know what I want. I just want to feel. “Please.” 

 

He looks cautiously at me, trying to work something out. “Elle, I…” he sighs and looks at me. He takes his hands away from me and watches me as he moves. He grabs a hold of my wrists and squeezes tight. It hurts again and I grit my teeth. He grins at the reaction. I watch him as he carefully thinks about something. You can almost see the gears turning. He kisses me, still holding my wrists. He’s rough about it, biting my bottom lip and pushing into the kiss. He pulls away and his face softens. It feels good, I’m not mad, I don’t know what I feel. A few things at once I guess. He watches me carefully before speaking up. “You ok? Is this ok?” 

 

I nod and pull at his grip on my wrists. Trying to urge him to do something, anything else. He pulls me forward into his lap, putting my arms around his neck and moving his hands to my hips instead. I can feel his fingertips digging in and holding on tight. The dull pain of it is almost refreshing. He kisses my neck and then bites down hard enough to make me cry out. The yell turns into a moan as he sucks at the spot. He lets go of my neck and kisses me with bruising force. 

 

He pulls away, out of breath and panting heavily. He looks at me. “If I actually hurt you and it’s too much, you have to promise you’ll tell me.” his whiskey eyes glare back at me. “Do you want to use a safe word?”

 

I look at him and consider it. It might be a good idea, I suppose. Even if I won’t use it. I want the pain at this point. I’d rather feel pain than nothing. I nod to him and think of a word. “Violet.” is what comes out of my mouth. I don’t know why but somewhere in my mind I know it’s supposed mean something to me. A name, I guess.

 

“Ok, you use that if you need or want me to stop.” He kisses me gently on the cheek. For whatever reason I get a song that pops up in my head. My mind is strange like that sometimes but this time the song almost seems relevant. “Pain” by Three Days Grace. 

 

He kisses me roughly again and I lean into it. All I want is to feel. To just feel anything. And then suddenly I do feel. As Pete kisses and bites down my neck, I want this, I want the pain but a pang of guilt wracks through me. Is this fair to Pete? Does he know how I feel about him? The only line of “Pain” that doesn’t fit is “pain without love”. I think he knows my mind is somewhere else though because he bites harder and I yelp a little, snapping back to it. 

 

He lifts me off to bed to lay me down and climb over me. His skin is hot against mine and he presses against me. I throw my head back against the pillow as he pins my wrists beside my head and kisses down my neck to my collar bone. His hands move away from my wrists but I don’t move my arms. I feel the rough skin of his hands push up under my shirt. He pulls the small tank top, that barely covers me anyway, up over my head. He throws it away and traces over the tattoo on my ribs. He kisses down my chest, biting occasionally and leaving little marks all over me. My whole body tingles and feels like it’s itchy and irritated. Not really but that’s the equivalent of the feeling. 

 

I move my leg and feel his hard on. He moans and shudders, sending a wave of sensations through me. It feels good and I do it again, intentionally this time. He pins my leg down under his own and pushes his grip into my hips harder. 

 

I move my arms finally and card my fingers through his hair, pulling lightly. He looks up at me and smiles. I pull again and he moves up to kiss me. I tighten my grip in his hair, he moans and pushes into the kiss. I hook my leg around his hip and push him forward. He takes the hint and grinds up against me, moaning loudly at the friction. 

 

“Ah.” he says breathlessly. “Fuck.” his voice is so rough and low. “Do you have…?” he can’t seem to form a full sentence but I know what he’s asking for.

 

“Drawer.” I say, gesturing at my nightstand. He reaches over and pulls out a condom. He sets it on the nightstand. He kisses at my throat and pushes my panties down my legs. He sits up to slips them off my ankles and toss them away. He slips them off my ankles and tosses them away. He slides his hand down over me and grins. 

 

“So wet for me.” he pushes his fingers over my clit, I arch my back against the feeling. It’s like fire shooting through my veins, frying every nerve ending as he keeps doing it. I reach down and hook a finger on the waistband of his boxers. He lets me pull them down and takes them the rest of the way off. He leans forward to grab the condom and I wrap a hand around him. He groans and pushes into my hand. I grab the foil packet and open it carefully. I roll the condom down over him and he tries his best to stay still. “You remember your word?” he asks. 

 

I nod and he grabs a hold of my wrists again. He kisses me and shifts so my wrists are pinned above my head with one of his hands. His mouth moves down to my throat again, kissing and biting again. He lines up and pushes all the way in at once.

 

“Ah...Pete!” I cry out at the feeling of the stretch, the mild burn and the pain. It’s doesn’t really hurt though, not enough to want him to stop. It’s tolerable. I moan and roll my hips down, pushing against him and giving him the okay to move. He sits me up and pins me against the wall at the head of the bed. He tries one hard thrust and we both moan together. It sends shock waves through me. He picks up a rhythm and his lips crash back into mine. I start to meet his thrusts and the only pain is his fingers on my body, his teeth and mouth leaving marks on my skin. Any other pain fades into pleasure as my body fits to his. His thrusts become more uneven and I feel myself getting closer to the edge. “Pete…” I choke out. “Harder...oh gods...please harder.” 

 

“Oh fuck...ok...yeah hold on…” he stops and moves my legs up a bit to get better access. He starts off slower but going deeper this time before speeding up again. A string of curses mixed with my name falling from his lips as he brings us both closer to the edge. 

 

Every thing in my body tightens and releases, pleasure coming in tides. Suddenly the wave crashes over me and I feel my whole body tighten all at once. My body starts shaking with the waves as I cling to him, his name the only coherent thing on my tongue. He groans and his body shakes through his orgasm, leaning me against the wall as he fills the condom. When he stops shaking finally he pulls out and ties off the condom to throw it out. He kisses me sweetly and holds me close. He nuzzles his face into my neck and hum contentedly.

 

~~~~~

 

I don’t remember falling asleep but when I wake up something is different. I stretch before opening my eyes. I feel……... _ I feel _ ? My mind snaps around that concept for a second. I actually feel something and last night comes back to me. It started wanting pain just to feel something but something else changed. My heart flutters in my chest and Pete’s face flashes through my mind. I look at the bed beside me, there’s an indent but he’s gone. I look at the floor and see his boxers are gone too. I get up and groan. I’m sore but it kind of feels good. I catch a glimpse in my mirror, marks on my skin other than ink make me smile. I pull on a tshirt and go out to the rest of the rest of the apartment. Pete is sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. 

 

“Pete?” I say softly and his head snaps up. He looks at me but he’s not smiling. “What’s wrong?” 

 

“I...I shouldn’t have...you weren’t...that wasn’t…” he stumbles over every word but it’s not hard to understand what he’s going on about. 

 

“Did you want it?” he goes to say something but I stop him. “It’s a yes or no.” he hesitates but nods. “Really?” he nods more confidently this time. “Do you regret it?” 

 

“I…” he starts but I give him a look that stops him. “No, I don’t regret sleeping with you, just how it happened.” Pete looks at me. I sigh and climb onto the couch beside him and hug him. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. “You mean so much more to me than that and I feel like I’ve helped you make the same stupid mistake I’ve been making for years.” he says into my shoulder. “You seem ok, it may have worked for now...but…” 

 

“Pete,” I sit back and look at him. “At first, yes, I wanted the pain, it made me feel and I needed that. “ He gets that  _ I knew it _ look on his face but I shush him. “But before we even actually got undressed...hell before you got my shirt off I think...it changed. It wasn’t the pain making me feel, it was you. The pain just woke me up enough to feel that I felt like that about you.” 

 

He looks at me for a second. “You…?” he furrows his brows. 

 

“I care about you, Pete. I don’t want this to be just you thinking you had to help me or something stupid.” I look at my knees but his hand guides my chin back up. He presses his lips to mine gently. A simple and chaste kiss and it makes me happier than anything I’ve felt in a long time. He pulls away and smiles, kissing my face a few times. 

 

“I care about you too, I wanted to help but because it was so much more than that to me. I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same.” He kisses me again and I can feel the stupid grin on my face. “What are you all smiles about?” he chuckles. 

 

“I…” I hesitate and look for the word for this. “I’m happy.” he laughs and kisses me again. 

 

~~~~~

 

_ Pete _

 

It’s hardly the last time the numbness takes over her mind. Mor am I ever really free of it. The one difference is we have each other to help fight it now. Sometimes it hits harder than others, but when it does we are there for each other. When it overtakes her I’m there with kisses and cuddles and music. When I feel like it’s going to drown me she does the same. Hemingway loves her and she loves him. 

 

Patrick’s opinion on it, of course he has an opinion on it, is that if I ever fuck it up he’ll kick my ass himself. He says it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in, even if our score in the mental health department is probably a zero. She has a similar diagnosis to me when I finally convince her to go see someone. Andy is particularly fond of her. If he is there she’ll stay sober with him and will cook a vegan alternative to what the rest of us are eating and eat that with him. He tried to get her to do crossfit with him, and to her credit she did try, but quickly saw this was a bad idea. One thing Patrick and Andy love is her zero tolerance for pot smoking. While this bummed me out a but at first I learn that it’s not without reason and don’t fight it. Even on tour it if Joe offers. Despite that difference in opinion, her and Joe get along great. The one person I can’t get her to warm up to is Brendon. She is just not fond of him, it’s funny though. 

 

Right now, he’s bothering her while she’s trying to cook. She loves the kitchen in my house. Getting her to move in got a little easier once I promised her free reign of the kitchen. Not that I used it anyways. 

 

“Brendon, I swear to gods if you don’t get the hell out of my way I’m going to beat the daylights out of you with this spatula.” She brandishes said spatula at him and I chuckle. He gives her the ‘yeah right’ look and sure enough she gives him a good hard swat on the shoulder with it. He yelps and jumps before running to hide behind me. 

 

“Dude! No way! You’re on your own against her.” I move away from him. 

 

“Chicken shit!” he mutters. 

 

“No, I just prefer my girlfriend not be pissed at me.” I smile at her.” I happen to enjoy cuddling with her and you can’t cuddle a pissed off girlfriend if you are what pissed her off.” 

 

“While I understand and follow your logic you are still ye olde chicken shit.” Brendon laughs. 

 

“Oh, I’ll show you  _ ye olde chicken shit _ .” I grin. “Baby, hit him with that spatula again. I don’t think he quite understood that first one.” his eyes go wide, she takes a single step towards him and he takes off running. “Who’s ye olde chicken shit now?” I laugh and kiss her. “I love you.” 

 

“I love you too.” She smiles, kissing me back and goes back to cooking dinner for everyone. 

  
“Want help?” I ask and she points to a block of cheese beside a grater. I smile and move toward my assigned task. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always online somewhere if you wanna chat...  
> you can find me @ thePetetoherPat on Twitter and thepetetoherpatrick.tumblr.com ^-^
> 
> hit me up whenever xoxo


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